OCD and the Need to Vent

by Matt B. on March 23, 2015

N asks: Does it help to vent? To get mad at the universe? For me, it doesn’t. The universe is too big, too diffuse – there’s nowhere to actually place the blame.


A Skull Full of C4 (More OCD Fragments)

by Matt B. on March 23, 2015

1 One of those movies where a bomb’s going to explode if it’s jiggled even a little, and the hero has to carry it across town in a MacGyvery contraption made of coffee grounds and pipe cleaners and luck. OCD is like that, except the bomb is my brain.


OCD’s Offer

by Matt B. on March 18, 2015

For two hours a day, you will believe things that aren’t true. Crazy things – that you gave yourself cancer when you walked behind a bus. That you ruined your finger cartilage when you picked your nose, and that you will never write again. That your lot is suffering; that hope is futile. On some […]


Getting Engaged

by Matt B. on March 17, 2015

A couple weeks ago, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. In a moment I might have wanted to protect from OCD more than any other, I found myself weirdly accepting.


Wittgenstein’s Preoccupations and OCD

by Matt B. on March 13, 2015

Just finished Ray Monk’s preoccupying biography of Wittgenstein. The book ends with a graceful, English-minimalist take on Wittgenstein’s death – a quietly moving tribute to a man so suspicious of what language could really say. I want more, so I dive into the appendix. This, I quickly realize, is an analysis of some other writer’s […]


OCD is an Endless Catch-22

March 10, 2015

1 Fatigue sucks, because my mind amps up the self-abuse. I drink caffeine, but that sucks too – my mind spins faster, cuts deeper, and I get sand-buried in guilt for losing my nerve and refusing to face fatigue. 2 I can’t stand idleness, because intrusive thoughts seep in the cracked windowsills (or kick in […]

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Coffee and OCD

March 9, 2015

The world shrinks to the size of a decision. On the phone, I ask N to bring a coffee home, my second of the day. Reluctantly, she agrees. (I get jittery, anxious, and OCD has its backstage pass.) I drink a few sips, then put it down. A few more, then again. I have to […]

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